I'm going on vacation tomorrow.
It's my first one in what seems like years, and it probably is. I'm not *really* complaining. I own my business, I love what I do, so it's not like I'm dying to get away to forget that I'm just a cog in some corporate set of gears.
Still, it was time.
There is a different feeling about this getaway. The difference is that my grandmother is going to be in a nursing home while i’m at the beach, and I feel… free. I don't have the sense that I'm derelicting my duty by allowing myself to have some time off. The four days that are in front of me feel like I can reach the horizon.
My previous horizon was one day, maybe 1.25 at most, if I hurried home. That's it. That's the duration of reasonable breakfast/lunch/dinner that could be imaginatively prepared in advance. Anything beyond that, and I'd be a Really Bad Person. Grandma's got early stage dementia, doesn't speak English, can't cook for herself, and doesn't leave the house.
I don't have family who can take care of her while I'm gone. I can't ask friends to take on this burden. Private care is expensive and finicky (“we can only reheat, we can't cook”), and Chester County elder care is, apparently, nonexistent. By the grace of the universe I was able to learn about and to take advantage of the Albright LIFE program (available in neighboring Lancaster County and Berks County, but not in the super wealthy Chester County) which took over grandma's insurance responsibilities - with one perk being temporary nursing home placement for occasions when the primary caregiver isn't available.
I'm thrilled about this time off.
I’m also really angry that it takes such an insane amount of effort and coincidence and stress and privilege to find good care for the elderly in the wealthiest country on the planet.
Pre-vacation musings
It's a lot of work, and my only comparison is having elderly needy dogs. I cannot imagine the scale with a human, no matter how much you love them. FWIW My grandfather lives at Ann's Choice in Warminster, and I'm going to visit him today. I'll let you know what I think, but he loves it. Have a great vacation! Relax!